Longing... Consistency?
Dear diary....
Today is 22/4/2018 and I have a few things on my mind. Mid last month, I saw an ad from a dating site on Instagram, asking to meet a girl. I was so scared but decided to give it a try. If it works out, good and if it doesn't, good.
I sent a request asking to meet the guy and was sent a number to chat him up on WhatsApp. I did and we talked a bit. He introduced himself as Mr. Jones and told me he stays in Poland, which works perfectly for me. We sent voice messages, and I thought his voice sounded really good. I loved that. I was still nervous, didn't want to have a video chat because I didn't know if he'll like me enough.
Well, we talked on and off, with me always initiating the conversations most of the time. I was angry about that, because I wanted him to make an effort, to meet me half way. So I got frustrated one day and stopped initiating any conversation with him. He did'nt chat me up for days, and I thought "good riddance". I thought of going back to the dating site and requesting another meet with someone else, since I thought he found someone else he liked better, but I decided to wait, for reasons I don't even know.
Days later, Mr Jones contacted me. He accused me of forgetting about him Lmao, I smiled and called him crazy in my mind. I told him I've been busy and all, and we began chating again.
We then moved from Whatsapp to Imo, for calling. He called me once, and we talked good. He promised to call back and after that, I did'nt hear from him. I called and he did'nt pick or return my calls. I immediately thought he had a habit. I was pissed and did'nt call again. Few days after that, He sent a message on Whatsapp. He said he was in a remote area for work and is unable to chat or call online, and asked that I forgive him. I did, and felt silly for getting angry. I still sent him messages, and asked that he reply once he gets them or find the time.
On the 17/04/18, He called on Whatsapp a few times, and I saw the missed calls once I woke up. He called again and asked why I missed his calls. I told him I was unable to pick the call, and then he told me he was HOME. I asked "home?" and he said yes. I asked him where was home for him, and he said Poland with his house address. I panicked immediately, I did'nt know what to make of it. I know he was going to ask for a meet, and I did'nt know what to do. I started wishing i had a better weave on, better skin and more, Lol.
He asked that we meet, and I said yes. Immediately, I had my bath, when to the ATM and got some cash. I always wanted to buy some new shoes, and decided to use that opportunity to get one. I stoped at a shop, got the new shoe, changed into them and called him.
He asked that I stop at a place called Location, and then call him to pick me up. I decided to call him that I was on my way to Location, but he was'nt picking!
What? after asking for a visit? I called several times and sent messages and he did'nt pick or read them. Frustrated with sweat for been so nervous, I went home, with a new shoe on my feet.
30 minutes after I got home and changed, He called me. He apologised for not picking. He said he forgot his phone at home, and asked If I could still make it. I declined and fixed another date. I told him that we meet on Thursday being 19/04/18. He apologised again and called me later in the night after I was back from work. It was a video call, and I decided to brave it and take the call. He told me I was beautiful, I was happy, and smiled. He called my night wear "shimi" Lol, I laughed at that, because I found it really funny. At the end of the call, He told me he loved me, and sent kisses through the phone. I did'nt know what to make of the declaration of love, but i sent kisses back to him too.
When it was Thursday, I expected him to call about the date, but he did'nt. He called severally and he did'nt pick. I was off duty from work that day, and then decided to go see a movie at the cinema. I still called and sent messages while in transit to the cinema, but got no reply. I was'nt happy about this, I again was reminded of a habit.
You see, I love consistency. I expect you to do what you say you will do, and if you will not be able to do that, I'll expect that you call before time to explain things. I hate to be kept waiting, I wanted a man who will be capable of leading, or at least being consistent. I was angry that day. I wore a new top I made, and had makeup on, waiting for his call and got nothing. Later that night, he called me and apologised for not keeping to his word. He said he had to help his dad with some errand, and I understood with him. I love my parents, and would do same in his shoes. But why did'nt he call or sent a message in that regards?
Early friday morning being 20/04/18 he woke me up from sleep with his call. He asked when I'll be able to meet him, and I gave a time. He saied he'll pick me up outside where I stay, and I accepted. I had my bath and waited, but deep down, I did'nt know if to trust him to come that day. I had my bath, wore another new top, a new beautiful shoe, did my makeup well, sparyed perfume and waited. He called almost immediately I was done, he asked that I come meet him. He said he was in a black car, and I became nervous all over again.
Will he like me? Am I too petite? Are my boobs and bum big enough for him? all this questions ran through my mid as I sighted a black SUV which I guessed was him. I called to confirm, and he asked that I enter the car. I entered and Immediately observed that he was BIG. I already knew he was big from the pictures I saw on his Whatsapp Dp, But I felt it really close.
When I got in the car, we hugged briefly, and he complimented by looks. He said I was beautiful, and held my hands for a while. I began to relax with the music, and smiled while we chit chat. I liked him almost immediately, I liked that when he smiled, it got to his eyes too. I also like the fact that he was big, like twice my size, I'm weird, I know lol.
While on our way to his house, he asked if I had eaten, and got food for us when I said no. When we got to his house, he invited me in, and I loved that it was clean. We ate on the dining, while talking about our weight lol.
After eating, we watched a movie, and while the movie was going on, he kissed me. It was weird at the beginning, as I did'nt know how to react. Well, I did react, I leaned in and kissed him back. It has been so long i've been kissed, and it felt good. He poured some cranberry juice and we drank and talked about movies.
He held me on the shoulder while we watched the movie, and we still kissed some more. Not long after, He asked that we go to his bed room. I knew what that meant, SEX, and I becames nervous again. I told him I was on my menstrual period which was true, and he said he was ok with that, that we can always use a condom.
I followed him and he unzipped my top. I went to the bathroom to clean up, and luckily I was'nt too bloody. We kissed once I got back to the room and then the Sex. He is the second person I'm being intimate with, and he is quite bigger than my first. I thought my First is big, but Mr. Jones is huge. I did'nt know how he was going to enter me, and he tried, but could'nt fully enter. The sex was good, even the pain of being too tight for his very massive penis. He slept off not long after that and I watched a movie. Once he woke up, he joined me in the movie, and when the light when off, we had sex again.
He dropped me off later in the evening, and game me some money, about $6 to get dinner. I did'nt like that, I did't want him to give me money, because it felt like he was paying me for the sex. I loved his company, and enjoyed my day with him, and wanted it to be so. I had money and could buy food, but still collected the money, while feeling somehow.
I did'nt know if he was going to call when I got home, but wanted him to. I was already liking him, and I know that it was only a mattter of time before I fall in love with him. I did'nt know what he wanted, since it was kind of a first date. We agreed to meet Sunday 22/04/18 but he did'nt even remember.
He has'nt called since Friday, and I have been doing the calling. I hate that, I want him to want to be with me, I want consitency, But don't know what to do. He promised to call later in the evening of Sunday 22/04/18, but he did'nt. I kinda expected that, but still wanted to be surprised. I looked towards his call or messages, and got none.
It's Monday today 23/04/18, I'm off duty from work today, and I want to see him. I want him to want to see me, so I'm trying not to call him. I hope I don't, because a grown man should know what he wants. I want him, and I want clarity too. If he does'nt want me, I just want him to tell me. I'm a big girl, and will be able to handle rejection. I want something serious, and he can't give me that, then I can'nt be with him.
I'm stopping this diary entry today 23/0/18 at 01:05am. I hope the next time I enter my thoughts, that they will be happy thoughts.
PS: Names and Locations changed to keep this private and anonymous
xoxo...Lazy Girl
Today is 22/4/2018 and I have a few things on my mind. Mid last month, I saw an ad from a dating site on Instagram, asking to meet a girl. I was so scared but decided to give it a try. If it works out, good and if it doesn't, good.
I sent a request asking to meet the guy and was sent a number to chat him up on WhatsApp. I did and we talked a bit. He introduced himself as Mr. Jones and told me he stays in Poland, which works perfectly for me. We sent voice messages, and I thought his voice sounded really good. I loved that. I was still nervous, didn't want to have a video chat because I didn't know if he'll like me enough.
Well, we talked on and off, with me always initiating the conversations most of the time. I was angry about that, because I wanted him to make an effort, to meet me half way. So I got frustrated one day and stopped initiating any conversation with him. He did'nt chat me up for days, and I thought "good riddance". I thought of going back to the dating site and requesting another meet with someone else, since I thought he found someone else he liked better, but I decided to wait, for reasons I don't even know.
Days later, Mr Jones contacted me. He accused me of forgetting about him Lmao, I smiled and called him crazy in my mind. I told him I've been busy and all, and we began chating again.
We then moved from Whatsapp to Imo, for calling. He called me once, and we talked good. He promised to call back and after that, I did'nt hear from him. I called and he did'nt pick or return my calls. I immediately thought he had a habit. I was pissed and did'nt call again. Few days after that, He sent a message on Whatsapp. He said he was in a remote area for work and is unable to chat or call online, and asked that I forgive him. I did, and felt silly for getting angry. I still sent him messages, and asked that he reply once he gets them or find the time.
On the 17/04/18, He called on Whatsapp a few times, and I saw the missed calls once I woke up. He called again and asked why I missed his calls. I told him I was unable to pick the call, and then he told me he was HOME. I asked "home?" and he said yes. I asked him where was home for him, and he said Poland with his house address. I panicked immediately, I did'nt know what to make of it. I know he was going to ask for a meet, and I did'nt know what to do. I started wishing i had a better weave on, better skin and more, Lol.
He asked that we meet, and I said yes. Immediately, I had my bath, when to the ATM and got some cash. I always wanted to buy some new shoes, and decided to use that opportunity to get one. I stoped at a shop, got the new shoe, changed into them and called him.
He asked that I stop at a place called Location, and then call him to pick me up. I decided to call him that I was on my way to Location, but he was'nt picking!
What? after asking for a visit? I called several times and sent messages and he did'nt pick or read them. Frustrated with sweat for been so nervous, I went home, with a new shoe on my feet.
30 minutes after I got home and changed, He called me. He apologised for not picking. He said he forgot his phone at home, and asked If I could still make it. I declined and fixed another date. I told him that we meet on Thursday being 19/04/18. He apologised again and called me later in the night after I was back from work. It was a video call, and I decided to brave it and take the call. He told me I was beautiful, I was happy, and smiled. He called my night wear "shimi" Lol, I laughed at that, because I found it really funny. At the end of the call, He told me he loved me, and sent kisses through the phone. I did'nt know what to make of the declaration of love, but i sent kisses back to him too.
When it was Thursday, I expected him to call about the date, but he did'nt. He called severally and he did'nt pick. I was off duty from work that day, and then decided to go see a movie at the cinema. I still called and sent messages while in transit to the cinema, but got no reply. I was'nt happy about this, I again was reminded of a habit.
You see, I love consistency. I expect you to do what you say you will do, and if you will not be able to do that, I'll expect that you call before time to explain things. I hate to be kept waiting, I wanted a man who will be capable of leading, or at least being consistent. I was angry that day. I wore a new top I made, and had makeup on, waiting for his call and got nothing. Later that night, he called me and apologised for not keeping to his word. He said he had to help his dad with some errand, and I understood with him. I love my parents, and would do same in his shoes. But why did'nt he call or sent a message in that regards?
Early friday morning being 20/04/18 he woke me up from sleep with his call. He asked when I'll be able to meet him, and I gave a time. He saied he'll pick me up outside where I stay, and I accepted. I had my bath and waited, but deep down, I did'nt know if to trust him to come that day. I had my bath, wore another new top, a new beautiful shoe, did my makeup well, sparyed perfume and waited. He called almost immediately I was done, he asked that I come meet him. He said he was in a black car, and I became nervous all over again.
Will he like me? Am I too petite? Are my boobs and bum big enough for him? all this questions ran through my mid as I sighted a black SUV which I guessed was him. I called to confirm, and he asked that I enter the car. I entered and Immediately observed that he was BIG. I already knew he was big from the pictures I saw on his Whatsapp Dp, But I felt it really close.
When I got in the car, we hugged briefly, and he complimented by looks. He said I was beautiful, and held my hands for a while. I began to relax with the music, and smiled while we chit chat. I liked him almost immediately, I liked that when he smiled, it got to his eyes too. I also like the fact that he was big, like twice my size, I'm weird, I know lol.
While on our way to his house, he asked if I had eaten, and got food for us when I said no. When we got to his house, he invited me in, and I loved that it was clean. We ate on the dining, while talking about our weight lol.
After eating, we watched a movie, and while the movie was going on, he kissed me. It was weird at the beginning, as I did'nt know how to react. Well, I did react, I leaned in and kissed him back. It has been so long i've been kissed, and it felt good. He poured some cranberry juice and we drank and talked about movies.
He held me on the shoulder while we watched the movie, and we still kissed some more. Not long after, He asked that we go to his bed room. I knew what that meant, SEX, and I becames nervous again. I told him I was on my menstrual period which was true, and he said he was ok with that, that we can always use a condom.
I followed him and he unzipped my top. I went to the bathroom to clean up, and luckily I was'nt too bloody. We kissed once I got back to the room and then the Sex. He is the second person I'm being intimate with, and he is quite bigger than my first. I thought my First is big, but Mr. Jones is huge. I did'nt know how he was going to enter me, and he tried, but could'nt fully enter. The sex was good, even the pain of being too tight for his very massive penis. He slept off not long after that and I watched a movie. Once he woke up, he joined me in the movie, and when the light when off, we had sex again.
He dropped me off later in the evening, and game me some money, about $6 to get dinner. I did'nt like that, I did't want him to give me money, because it felt like he was paying me for the sex. I loved his company, and enjoyed my day with him, and wanted it to be so. I had money and could buy food, but still collected the money, while feeling somehow.
I did'nt know if he was going to call when I got home, but wanted him to. I was already liking him, and I know that it was only a mattter of time before I fall in love with him. I did'nt know what he wanted, since it was kind of a first date. We agreed to meet Sunday 22/04/18 but he did'nt even remember.
He has'nt called since Friday, and I have been doing the calling. I hate that, I want him to want to be with me, I want consitency, But don't know what to do. He promised to call later in the evening of Sunday 22/04/18, but he did'nt. I kinda expected that, but still wanted to be surprised. I looked towards his call or messages, and got none.
It's Monday today 23/04/18, I'm off duty from work today, and I want to see him. I want him to want to see me, so I'm trying not to call him. I hope I don't, because a grown man should know what he wants. I want him, and I want clarity too. If he does'nt want me, I just want him to tell me. I'm a big girl, and will be able to handle rejection. I want something serious, and he can't give me that, then I can'nt be with him.
I'm stopping this diary entry today 23/0/18 at 01:05am. I hope the next time I enter my thoughts, that they will be happy thoughts.
PS: Names and Locations changed to keep this private and anonymous
xoxo...Lazy Girl
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